Year Three ©

I'm staring outside the window. Loving the heat of the sun and how it hurts my eyes. Thinking of so many things. Seeing birds flying makes me want to fly. Fly..fly..fly.. So high that I will get out myself from this situation that I'm fighting for every year. This is the third year of the same situation happens every this season.

First year was not okay to the highest full of level.

Second year was moderate, kinda alright to me but kinda not fine with me.

Now, third year is fucking perfect to leave any time. I can leave perfectly because I'm used to it. The feeling that I'm okay outside but deep inside there's so much pain I feel inside that I can even dig a big hole that even if I bury myself inside I can still feel the fucking pain.

All these years, there still one thing that remains, whenever I feel alright to something, I just can't erase the fact that I loved the person so much more than myself and the pain of that thought kills me because I want to have revenge that leads me to imagine killing the person who is the root of all these mess.

I guess, I can't just do that all by myself. Maybe leaving with nothing to say is better than cry in front of that person and show that it's fucking hurt and you win.

Better to leave with a smile. Maybe Its hurt but yeah I'm used to it. Happy outside but hurt inside. 

P.S. I know this is useless and cannot change anything that already happened. 

Have a great day everyone. 

Jool ©